Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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