I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
