found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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