News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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