im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
