I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
We need to get me chipped asap
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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