my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
