I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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