There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
