your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
