i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
