So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Actions speak louder than pants.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize