Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
