Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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