just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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