You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
