U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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