is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
