I think I died a long time ago.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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