the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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