It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Everyone says I win the strip club
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
