he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
