can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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