i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Its about making memories worth repressing
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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