haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
