using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
