So drunk its hurt
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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