i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
