i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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