Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
