I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
