forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
