I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
