where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
