The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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