you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
