I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
People in love make me want to vomit
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
So much rum. So many feels.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
