It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
When did angry sex become our thing?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
