officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
