i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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