i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
