I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
