she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
We are two peas in an std pod
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
