You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
