Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
