Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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