oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
