you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize