dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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