Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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