I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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