No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
My butt remains clenched, sir.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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