At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
