hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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