Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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