if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
