I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Randomize
