just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
