so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
