ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
