Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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