I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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