OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
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