what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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