she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
how drunk are you?
Several
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
